SHOULD PARENTS BE INVOLVED IN THEIR CHILDREN’S SEX EDUCATION?
The parent/child relationship will have a decisive influence on the way the child will live his or her sexuality, now and later. Even parents who think themselves broadminded are influenced, consciously or unconsciously, by principles and taboos they acquired from their own parents at a time when sex was a subject one simply did not talk about.
And parents who practise a religion or bring up their children according to rigid moral principles are likely to do them more harm than good. They will not stop their children indulging in sexual experiments sooner or later, when the need to do so becomes pressing. But it will be sex mingled with guilt, and the guilt complex will prevent the children enjoying their sexuality to the full.
The crucial point in the parent/child relationship and, later on, in the adult/adult relationship, is to free sex from guilt – sex of whatever kind.
And the first step is to get rid of an idea that is firmly rooted in centuries of absurd moral principles: that our bodies have “parts” that are “private” and “dirty”, that are not to be talked about, not to be touched, not to be shown.
It will take centuries to change this mind-set. When women first took off their bikini tops on the beach, the sexual revolution was announced; yet this is no more than a small step forward, and many women, though they may justify themselves on the grounds that “everyone does it”, still feel when they bare their breasts that they are acting provocatively and being exhibitionists. I am sure any priest will give absolution to a woman who confesses to having gone topless on the beach; but he will certainly say she had committed a sin that requires penitence.
If topless bathing leads to talk of a sexual revolution, this is because in the minds of most men a woman’s breasts are the most important pole of attraction. Strangely enough, bare buttocks came much later than bare breasts: “le string” is still a fairly rare sight on our beaches and will probably remain so for a long time to come. Odder still when one considers that many mature women’s breasts are of doubtful interest while their buttocks remain round, firm and attractive.
As we said earlier, it is of prime importance to free everything connected with sexuality from its aura of guilt. This means that, from the moral point of view, there is no difference between the different parts of our bodies. We have a nose, a mouth, an anus, a vagina, a clitoris, a penis. All are parts of us, and none is cleaner or dirtier than the rest.
Our bodies have no forbidden zones. We have a perfect right to look at any part of another person’s body, or our own, and to use our hands, mouth and tongue to touch each and every part of another person’s body. No guilt should be attached to it, or to the pleasure we may give or receive in the process. Indeed not only is it not wrong, it is actually necessary if we are to enjoy a truly fulfilling sex life.
And let no one say this attitude robs Love (with a capital L) of its poetry – whatever that may mean.
It is vital that our sexuality be free to express itself. Love with a capital L is the great dream, and dreams are a good thing; there no harm in reading love stories and identifying with the characters. But one must also keep one’s feet on the ground. There are very few men and women who actually live a love story worth the telling.
The criticism one can make of love stories and films is the hypocritical way they treat sex, throwing a coy veil of modesty over the scene at the crucial moment. It is always as if the characters lived their great love without ever making love. The author describes their feelings in minute detail, all their moments of happiness day by day. But as soon as they open the bedroom door, the light goes out and the chapter ends. We shall never know whether they fell asleep tenderly entwined or if they made love – still less how they made love.
Most young couples believe they are about to live a great love story. They are not at all to be blamed for this; it would be a shame not to live this kind of love-and-passion experience once in one’s life. But once the honeymoon is over, the down-to-earth side of sex comes to the fore – a promising situation, provided both partners are ready to explore it. But as a rule one of the two (usually the woman) is happy enough with the status quo, while the other would like to do things his partner, rightly or wrongly, regards as perversions an “honest” woman ought to have nothing to do with.
One need search no further for the reason why two out of every three marriages end in divorce. Even this figure is an underestimate of the casualty toll because, among the remaining one third of undivorced couples, there are many who are sexually unsatisfied or disunited but who stay together for any of a number of wrong reasons: religion, social position, to bring up the children etc.
The sexual misunderstandings that arise in most couples could be avoided if both partners knew enough about sexuality and were ready to accept that no sexual practice should be seen as illegitimate. No sexual practice is basically depraved. Only abuse of the other person deserves to be called a vice.
This book will show you what every man and woman should expect in his or her sex life, if he or she wishes to enjoy it to the full. It will help you get rid of many taboos, false ideas, false moral or religious principles. It will enable you to change that simplistic, dualistic view that divides the things of the world into good and evil, clean and dirty, vice and virtue, etc.
But it is not enough to know everything about sex. A couple should also talk about it. The two partners must establish a dialogue. This way they will get to know each other better, will minimize the inevitable differences that arise over one issue or another, will be able to take the desires of the other into account and try to satisfy them, and will become perfectionists in the art of love, not out of respect for conjugal duty – a detestable concept that ought to be laid to rest once and for all – but out of love. One does not make love out of duty, but for the pleasure one can give and take.
The notion of conjugal duty goes hand in hand with another that deserves some attention: that of reciprocal concessions.
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